Winning Your Girlfriend Back

When Is It Okay To Call or Contact Your Ex?

Few things will drive your exgirlfriend away faster than excessive or unwanted contact. Maybe you've already experienced this, and are afraid every time you reach out for her you're driving her just a little further away. Knowing how and when to communicate with your ex is not always easy, but there are some ground rules. If you want to get your ex back, you'll need to follow them.

After breaking up, one of the hardest things to do is to leave your ex alone. If she dumped you and you want her back, you're going to have a thousand and one things to say to her.

You'll try to convince her that she's wrong, and to give your relationship a second chance. Your mind will flood with all these great things to say... or so you think they're great.

In reality though, right now your ex girlfriend probably just wants to be left alone. She's still reeling from the break up herself, and here you are trying to change her mind with a bunch of sappy love notes, cards, and words that she knows you're only saying to get back together with her.

The truth is, contacting your ex girlfriend after the breakup is easy. But doing it successfully? That's the hard part.

Why Hasn't She Called?   The Fear of Losing Your Ex

If your ex isn't calling you after the break up and you're worried about it, don't be. Understand that a girl who breaks up with you is going to feel awkward around you for a little while. It's always best to let the break up sink in, so she can have the chance to miss you, need you, and want you again.

Your ex can't possibly miss you if you're still trying to get in touch with her, which is why nothing you seem to be doing is working right now. In fact, the harder you try the faster she's going to run. Right now, your best bet is to leave her to her thoughts, giving your ex a little time and breathing room.

There are some immediate techniques you can use to accelerate the process of making her miss you again. Learning these can help speed things up, but the overall principal of giving her time remains the same.

Inventing Reasons to Call, Text-Message, or Contact Her

Some guys believe they have reasons for contacting their ex girlfriends. Other guys make up excuses, or think of things to say. Still others will gather up all their exgirlfriend's possessions and drive to her house, thinking that dropping them off is reason enough for a sit down talk.

In reality however, what you're doing here is totally counterproductive to getting your ex back. You're sabotaging your future chances of getting together and dating her again.

Think for a moment about missing someone. Let's say a friend who's been gone a while, or a family member who you haven't seen in a long time. Know why you miss them? Because you're not in touch with them every single day. The same goes for your ex girlfriend. Leaving her alone will force her to face the break up alone, causing her to think more about you. She's not going to do that if you're sending her daily updates, emails, text-messages, or calling to see how she's doing.

So when exactly should you contact your girlfriend again after the break up?

Ideally, you should wait until she seeks you out. Cut all ties and communication and I guarantee your ex will call you. First, she'll wonder where you went. This will turn into worry over who you're with, what you're doing, and whether or not you moved on without her. No girl wants to see her exboyfriend begin dating again, especially before she does.

Finally, after enough time has passed, she may even think you're angry with her. She's going to call - just to see how things are. How you handle that call is crucial to whether or not you'll make your ex interested in you again.

And if she doesn't call? A good rule of thumb is to wait about a month. After that, any contact you initiate with your ex girlfriend will go a lot more smoothly. She won't think you're hounding her, longing after her, or desperate to see her. In fact, she'll be very curious. She'll want to know where you were these last 30 days, and why you weren't interested enough to call her sooner. Girls love to be chased - the fact that you haven't chased her in several weeks actually makes you more attractive to her. Crazy, but true.

If you're trying to win back your ex girlfriend, you'll need to make the right moves at the right times. Breaking contact is a huge part of getting your ex back. There are other steps you'll need to take along the road to reconciliation, so learn what they are. The more knowledge you have before you act, and the faster you get going - the better your chances for a successful reunion.